


Trouble Understanding The Gods

by baratron



Category: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon Character of Color, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gallows Humor, Gen, Oddly Poignant, Original Character of Color, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 14:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baratron/pseuds/baratron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Daedra attacked Kvatch in an attempt to kill the last heir to the Septim throne, they breached the walls of the city. Unfortunately, they also breached THE FOURTH WALL.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trouble Understanding The Gods

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by starting a new game of _Oblivion_. A conversation between my new character, [Azzam](http://www.elderstats.com/character/3904/), and a couple of well-known NPCs...
> 
> You need to read Azzam's lines in the [voice of a male Redguard](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0533053/). If you don't remember what they sound like, go and talk to Owyn in the Arena, or Baurus :)

**INT. CHAPEL OF AKATOSH, KVATCH – LATE AT NIGHT**

Azzam the Redguard runs into the Chapel, slamming the door firmly behind him. He leans against the wall, chest heaving and eyes streaming, as his ADRENALINE RUSH power fades away. 

A female Redguard in the UNIFORM of the Kvatch City Guard approaches him. Azzam looks her over and grins, revealing straight, white teeth.

AZZAM  
What did I do to deserve this honour?

Tierra doesn't answer, looking over his mismatched ARMOUR and the dark patches of blood splashed over his SHIELD. Suddenly she meets his eyes.

TIERRA  
What's it like out there? We were beginning to fear we were the only survivors.

AZZAM  
It's pretty bad.  
(beat)  
But you're not the _only_ survivors. There's a small camp at the base of the hill, and a lot of guards still fighting. Certainly nowhere near as many people as I'd have expected from a city this size, though.

TIERRA  
(sighing)  
It... it all happened so fast. It was all we could do to round up the survivors and try and get them to safety. We've failed them miserably.

AZZAM  
(quickly)  
It's not _your_ fault, sister. I bet you did the best you could. Problem is, the enemy's not natural. Creepy-ass monsters from Oblivion, that's what I heard. I don't even know the _names_ of these things I killed.

Azzam shrugs, his gesture taking in his gore-covered SCIMITAR.

TIERRA  
(smiling briefly as she hands him a RAG)  
Here, brother. It's not clean, but nor is your sword.

AZZAM  
My thanks. The name's Azzam, by the way.

TIERRA  
Tierra.

AZZAM  
Nice to meet you.  
(stops and blushes)  
Well, uh... Not _nice_ as such, the circumstances are pretty nasty. But glad to meet you nonetheless. 

Tierra says nothing in reply. Azzam busies himself wiping off the worst of the blood on his SCIMITAR, then looks around uncertainly. Tierra indicates a BROKEN BARREL that is being used for waste, and he drops the DIRTY RAG into it gratefully.

AZZAM  
(stowing his scimitar in its SCABBARD)  
I'm looking for a priest called Martin. Have you seen him?

TIERRA  
(grinning, and pointing towards the ALTAR)  
Brother Martin? Yes, he's right over there. He led a group of us here during the confusion of the attack. We owe him our lives.

**CUT TO:**

A male Imperial wearing a blue priest's robe is kneeling by an INJURED SURVIVOR in a makeshift bed. He is holding the man's hand, passing a HEALING SPELL through him. The priest's head is down, and his hair mostly covering his face. 

AZZAM  
(walks briskly towards the Imperial, and hails him from a distance of a few feet)  
Martin?

The priest looks up, and we see that it is indeed Brother Martin. He looks just like a younger version of Emperor Uriel. Same hairstyle, same blue eyes, much browner skin. He appears completely exhausted.

AZZAM  
Oh hey, it _is_ you. Shoulda guessed, really.

Confusion swims in Brother Martin's blue eyes as he stands up, wincing with the movement. He seems momentarily uncertain how to reply to Azzam's greeting.

BROTHER MARTIN  
Have you brought help? We've been trapped here since the daedra overran the city.

AZZAM  
Help?  
(scratches his head)  
You know, it's good to finally meet you. I've seen you in our player's head. Hanging around. _Reading_. Shoulda realised it was you when they told me to go get a priest called Martin.

BROTHER MARTIN  
(staring at Azzam in disbelief)  
Yes. I'm a priest. Do you need a priest? I don't think I'll be much help to you. I'm having trouble understanding the gods right now. If all this is part of a divine plan, I'm not sure I want to have anything to do with it...

AZZAM  
Yeah, it's definitely you. Imperial dude, kinda average height, brown hair, blue eyes, bit of an obsession with blue clothing. So, how're you doing?

BROTHER MARTIN  
(almost shouting, close to losing his temper)  
How am I _doing?_ How do you _think_ I am doing? An entire city destroyed... Who are you and what do you want?

AZZAM  
Oh, I'm sorry, man. The name's Azzam. I'm kinda new around here. But everyone knows _you_. Martin Septim, Priest of Akatosh, Emperor, and Dragonborn. It's an honour to finally speak to you, my lord.

Brother Martin leans against the ALTAR, eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose as if to stave off an incipient headache.

BROTHER MARTIN  
Emperor Uriel Septim? The Emperor is _dead_. What do you really want with me?

AZZAM  
Actually, I came to get you, man. See, your dad's the Emperor. Was the Emperor, I mean. He got killed by these weird assassin dudes, so these _other_ dudes, the Blades, told me to go get you. So, you ready?

BROTHER MARTIN  
(shaking his head while clutching his forehead with one hand)  
You think the _Emperor_ is my _father_? No, you must have the wrong man. I am a priest of Akatosh. My father was a farmer...

AZZAM  
(dismissing this with an elaborate shrug)  
Nah. See, I _met_ Emperor Uriel before he died, and he told me that you were his last, secret son. Besides, I recognise you. You're famous. I guess you haven't done the things you're gonna be famous for, yet.

BROTHER MARTIN  
(desperately)  
You spoke to the Emperor before he died? And he told you to find me?

AZZAM  
Yeah. He said you'd be in danger. But I can see you'll be fine. You've got that crown symbol on you when I look at you...

BROTHER MARTIN  
(close to tears of frustration)  
A... a crown? Why? ...Because I'm the Emperor's son?"

AZZAM  
I guess? Though Jauffre has it too. No, I think it's some sorta protection thing. Stops you from being killed at the wrong time. You know the way these games work...

BROTHER MARTIN  
(angrily)  
You think this is a _game?_ Thousands of people _dead?_

AZZAM  
I don't _think_ it's a game, I _know_ it is. You and me... We're just characters in a story.

Brother Martin stares at Azzam, helplessly, lost for words.

AZZAM  
Neither of us are real. Nor are any of the thousands who died. We only live in our player's head. You believe in the gods, right?

BROTHER MARTIN  
(hopelessly)  
I prayed to Akatosh all through that terrible night, but no help came. Only more daedra. 

Brother Martin slides down to sit on the floor, cradling his head in his hands. Azzam pats his shoulder, awkwardly.

AZZAM  
Our player's the only true god here. All this other stuff is just to make you a stronger character. To make it a tragedy when you finally die.

Brother Martin says nothing, and we hear him sobbing.

AZZAM  
(desperately)  
Dude! Listen, man, it's going to be okay. You're going to save the world. And even though you die doing it, you live forever in our player's head. She loves you so much that she took you to another game, to be the hero there.

BROTHER MARTIN  
(finally looking up)  
But I'm needed here. I can't leave.

AZZAM  
You can leave whenever you want. You have that crown symbol. Nothing can kill you until the right point in the story. You can fall off cliffs and spend hours under water. You're _essential_ , dude.

BROTHER MARTIN  
(rubbing his head in pain)  
I don't know. It's strange... I think I am hallucinating from lack of sleep, but I feel that you might actually be telling the truth. What does this mean? What do you want from me?

AZZAM  
I have to take you to Weynon Priory, to meet a man called Jauffre. But I don't have to do it right away. No more daedra appear until we get there. So we can have as many adventures as you like. Read as many books as you like, too.

BROTHER MARTIN  
(decisively)  
No. I'm sorry, but even if what you say is true, I won't abandon these people to their fate. I won't go with you until I know everyone can leave here safely.

AZZAM  
(grinning)  
Guess I'd better go kill some more daedra then, man. Never killed any daedra before today, but how hard can it be? I'll see ya later, alligator.

Azzam slinks out of the Chapel, making sure to wink at Tierra on the way out.

Brother Martin shakes his head, gets onto his knees, and places his hands on the ALTAR.

BROTHER MARTIN  
Oh blessed Akatosh, I understood barely half of what that man said. Please tell me that was Your idea of a joke to restore my faith?

**Author's Note:**

> About 90% of Tierra and Martin's dialogue is lifted straight from _Oblivion_. Tierra and Martin belong to Bethesda, Azzam belongs to me. Thanks to StellarWind for the Summary.
> 
> I'm still not sure whether Azzam's conversation with Martin is hilarious or tragic. Whichever way you read it, Martin is having A Bad Day and is seriously in need of a cuddle, poor thing.
> 
> I actively welcome kudos and comments :) Also, let me know if you have a stylesheet to format screenplays/scripts properly, with intentation.


End file.
